They took holidays to the U. Then my Dad needed bypass surgery. When I did find her, she was wandering and searching for her room in the wrong direction. It was distressing to see her so lost — as I am sure it was for her. Or, maybe it was willful blindness. Dad recovered, but Mom continued to decline. She paid the hydro bill twice and not the phone bill. Mom was also becoming incontinent. I arranged for the proper incontinence supplies, but she was just using regular feminine pads.
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My dad was doing daily laundry of wet clothes and sheets. I finally figured out that she thought incontinence pads were too expensive. So when my dad started getting a pension, we told Mom it was for her pads, and she started using them. My parents came over to our place regularly for dinner. At home Dad did the cooking. He had trouble handling these situations, and I had trouble watching them at odds with each other. When I learned Montessori methods for dementia I learned that if Dad had given her a physical cue, like handing her the dish towel, she would have gotten up and done the dishes.
It would have alleviated a lot of stress for both of them. Mom became frailer and spent two weeks in the hospital after collapsing at home. At this point she was admitted to long term care.
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On the first day at the facility, likely confused and frightened, she stood up to walk to the bathroom and fell. She was then more or less confined to her bed, and within the month she got deep vein thrombosis and was re-admitted to the hospital. When she returned to long term care, she was made to use a wheelchair, with the reasoning that she required two people to transfer her. Just a month earlier she had been walking independently.
I was able to use my professional knowledge to get Mom up and moving. I did get resistance from staff who felt her abilities were unreliable. Fortunately, there was also a wonderful physiotherapy technician who helped mobilize Mom in her spare time. That fall, we transferred Mom to the facility that was our first choice.
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She thrived there. She did give my Dad a hard time, and that was very difficult for him. I was the Sergeant Major. She often told the staff that I kept telling her what to do. We laughed a lot. She walked to the dining room with a walker. We do not offer medical advice nor clinically proven solutions. Instead, what we offer are insights and practical solutions to problems and struggles that any person caring for a loved one with dementia will likely face. All of it comes out of real life experiences we have had with our own father, and nothing else.
Each chapter in this book, written in story form, focuses on a specific aspect in our Dad's life. In this book, we have included photographs of our father.
Sustaining care for a parent with dementia: an indefinite and intertwined process
Most of these pictures were taken at the very moment of an "event. Get A Copy. Kindle Edition , pages. More Details Friend Reviews. To see what your friends thought of this book, please sign up. To ask other readers questions about Dementia , please sign up. Lists with This Book. This book is not yet featured on Listopia. Community Reviews. Showing Sad to say, some doctors do not have a clue about the side effects of what they prescribe, nor are they aware of how to safely have a patient withdrawn from a mind altering psychoactive drug.
It does not have to be an opiate to become addicted. He did not know that I could have had a seizure or stroke from doing so. Thank you Glenda for sharing your story and for bringing up these important points! Please I am in desperate help. My mother is 89 and her anger is full on rage. Hitting, yelling, throwing things.. In hopes to control this she was prescribed depakote mg a day 3 x day. Today will be her 5th day on this Med and so far nothing has calmed her. She gets so angry at me and my dad that she will not eat. Now the dr has ordered that we take her to emergency and they will admit her to the psych ward to be medically stabilized.
This frightens me. She screams at the tv like these people are in the house. My fear also is that my mom is Japanese and if she is hospitalized who will understand her? Please help me I love my mom so much and I know she must be scared. I fear her going in hospital that she may never come out. I can see why you are so worried, and of course this must be difficult for her as well. If she is really out of control and is endangering herself or others around her, then sometimes it is indeed necessary to hospitalize the person to stabilize them with medication.
The hospital may be able to provide an interpreter but also if they will allow family to be present, it will help her to have someone familiar who speaks her language. What is most important is that you are concerned for her, and if you can show up as much as possible to express that concern and care for her, that can really help. She sounds unwell, hopefully she will get treatment and be better soon. This is not easy, so find a caregiver support group if you can.
If she is older and there is a possibility of dementia or another form of cognitive impairment, I have an article on medications often used here: 5 Types of Medication Used to Treat Difficult Dementia Behaviors. Good stuff and no one telks oatients or their families. Really, Ambien for a n 87 yr old parent for theclast 25 years? The careless way we treat our elderly. Our cavalier attitude in this country, that everything can be fixed eith the right pill. Rudeness should not be tolerated from anyone.
Not to say you yell at them but if they are being rude, tell them they are being rude and if they are doing something that can cause them harm or to fall, you have to be stern and stop them from continuing that behavior. I have to respectfully disagree here. What is more constructive is to try to create a positive and supportive emotional connection, and then work on a redirection of the behavior.
Looking for underlying triggers is also important. Places a fairly substantial burden on the adult offspring. I completely agree that this is a substantial burden to place on adult children, and agree that more societal resources should be devoted to helping families with these situations. People are oblivious to the issue until it hits them, then swamped dealing with the challenges, and then afterwards most have no interest in advocating for other family caregivers. I imagine they are exhausted and sick of thinking about these things, which is understandable.
And then…advocate if you can! Fantastic response by Dr. K to an important, well-written letter that had me laughing and in tears both! Such a common experience for many families going through this journey…good luck to all and get that dementia assessment! Linda Meneken PT. Thank you! Agree that the letter does a wonderful job at capturing the struggle and frustration that so many people experience. As a caregiver for my year old mother until her death, now a support group facilitator, dementia and caregiver educator and doing non-pharmacological and environmental home assessments, I agree with Dr.
It is sometimes hard for us as children to step in and override decisions of our parents, even though we know that it would be best for all involved. Your points are well taken with me, Robert Keene. Dad is has been widowed about 1 yr, 8 months. He is now He was paranoid and now he has added delusional to it per my description to the psych I see. He is very verbally abusive to me. He has called the police three times to file charges. I have a brother who lives near but there is no communication with him. This is only a part of the story.
He needs to be in assisted living at the least. I checked out some stuff, but decided that… he wants to die in that house, so be it. I was their caregiver, spokesman, billing clerk, chauffeur, etc. Yes, it certainly is sad and heartbreaking when older adults become very paranoid and refuse the help they need. I have two aging parents, one with dementia, one without.
However my not-demented parent is very stressed and overwhelmed with the responsibilities of the current situation, so between the two of them, my hands are really full these days. I keep a watchful eye on my alcohol intake. I lean heavily on my loving and supportive husband, siblings and friends.
Every day is a new challenge and an opportunity to develop grace. Your comment also brings up something very important, which is that many family caregivers are older adults caring for spouses. Studies have found these are the caregivers who tend to do the most weekly work. I am glad to know you making an effort to take care of yourself, and hope your non-demented parent is able to squeeze in some self-care as well.
Gina your life could be mine at this moment. I need to start exercising to help control the frustration. It overwhelms me. They run a series of classes which are offered at no cost which helps you to care for your loved one. Their website is also very helpful. Most caregiving resources are helpful for all kinds of dementia, and so I often tell families to still try Alz. All of these articles are extremely helpful. I hope they are reading them and following this most important advice. My mom has turned into a screaming mean person.
Her episodes are more frequent and meaner. She threatens to call the police on us! My poor husband! He has been so good to her but she aims for the Achilles. You are definitely not alone. If the situation is very difficult and stressful — which it sounds like — I would recommend you reach to local resources for more advice and support. Your local Area Agency on Aging can help you identify these.
You need to make sure you take care of yourself and your marriage, and contacting others can help you identify ways to meet your own needs while providing your mother with reasonable assistance. Thank you so much for an insightful and information packed response! I have recently become caregiver for my 51 year old brother who we believe has dementia.
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I have learned so much in the last two months since realizing his need for care and his dementia. I have found that reading, support groups, training, any and all ways that I can learn more not only about his disease, but how I must relearn ways to communicate with him where he is now, not where he used to be, or how he should be. Once I understood that, along with the fact that each day brings new challenges, I am so much more understanding and compassionate.
It is working alongside professionals who are empathetic not only to the patient, but also the caregiver that I truly believe it takes a team to properly care for and love our patient, and one another. Thank you for being so clear and concise as well as offering so many other information resources!! Keep up the great work and the blog!! This will surely improve the relationship and quality of life for BOTH of you. I hope your family has been able to get help from a specialized memory center, as I think they are especially helpful for people with early-onset dementia.
He made me poa when he came here. I am on call when ever he needs me. He lost his balance an fell hitting his head and blamed me for it, but I was at a wedding when it happened. He is getting worse with his dementia. For a brother that has done every thing possible for him I feel discouraged, After all I have been doing for him. Sounds like a difficult situation. My oldest brother takes care of him as best he can, visiting him weekly and making sure his needs are met. My dad can no longer hear or see and is angry at everyone. He was never what you would call a nice man all the time we were growing up and got much worse when my mother died she was only 45 when she passed.
Why dementia can cause family feuds
He became violent with us and we all left as soon we got old enough. My oldest brother however promised my mother he would care for my dad and has done so for many years but it has become increasingly difficult. My father is fowl with my brother and staff at the home.
Sorry for your difficult situation. A few thoughts: — Talk to your brother and ask him how you can help support HIM your brother. It sounds like he has gone through a lot. Your job is to have a good intention and to make an effort. My mother is 82 and lives on her own.
Her long term memory is just fine, but her short term seems to be fading. She will ask me the same questions within minutes and forget what day it is. If I am explaining something I have to tell her over and over because she gets confused. For the longest time if we are talking about an issue or something in the news she will argue and sometimes gets nasty with her opinions. To herself, shes always right even though she makes no sense or have reason.
Is this just her getting older or signs of dementia?